Erasmus life: I will miss it forever

Waking up at 3 p.m. feels like I wasted my whole day, but at the same time I felt relieved, because of the weight I was feeling... I don’t remember having so strong Erasmus depression, probably because I just suppressed it somewhere deep inside my soul... I haven’t seen all the pictures that we had made back then,  I think it will be too painful... This for sure was the best year of my life...

I always know what to say, never loose my words, but every time I start writing about that period of my life, and I become speechless. It is not because I don’t have anything to say, but because so much can be said, and it is like all this is pressing my throat, making me unable to breathe.

All I know is that when I woke up today, on Saturday afternoon, I didn’t want to leave my bed. It was so empty in my room. I miss my beautiful Natalia, the greatest roommate I’ve ever had. I could tell her everything, and she knew everything about me. She was the girl that was giving me her true opinion,  that always could find the right words to say... I would like to describe how much she means to me, but I can’t... And I miss her soooo much!!! And I think in January I will watch the Carnaval, because of her!!!

I miss my favourite Vladek!!! My one and true Macedonian boy-friend! He is one of the most amazing people on the planet Earth that anyone could meet! I love him, more than words can describe, more than I could ever show!!! He was the one who was always there for me when I wanted to cry, to laugh, to walk, to dance, to study, to sleep, to talk, to share... Every time I think about him, and my heart hurts and it is like my eyes start burning. I think I've never felt so much love for a boy-friend like this before. Even if I can't have him around me now, I have him in my heart...

I miss my beautiful Mihaela! My one true crazy girl- friend! Whatever and whenever I wanted to go, she wanted to go... I was waiting for her one whole semester, but it was all worth it, because I had her for one semester... She could always understand my point of view,  she could always find a way to give me her opinion, even if I wouldn’t like it. She is a free spirit, free soul,  that no one could ever catch and keep in one place. She is a wild horse and it was the greatest experience for me to share this wildness with her.

I miss my son, Berkay!!! After dancing with him in Poland, now I dance like him, or at least I have included his moves in mine. I miss his ‘Mum’. I miss his craziness and his cooked mushrooms. Amazing!!! The best I’ve ever eaten!

I miss Ales, my strange and hard to understand Slovenian friend. I miss his cooking all the time and his jokes. I miss the our talks and our time together.

I miss my Portuguese friends, which I adore so much!!! Every time I was with them I was saying to myself: ‘How is it possible for all the Portuguese I know to be so friendly and cheerful and amazing?’... It is impossible not to love them!!! Fernandez – the crazy dancing Andre!!! Always with this big smile on his face, always ready to help you, to listen to you, to understand you... I will always remember the nights that we were going to or coming back from parties, just two of us and we were talking and talking... And Andrzej Wojna... The most cheerful, calm and positive person from the Erasmus. I haven’t laughed so much with anyone else there. He was the cook and the soul of the company! I miss you both Andre. And my other Portuguese brothers – Leocadio and Pinto! Miss your crazy dance moves and smiles!

 I miss Catia, Filipa and Alexandra – the girls that stole my heart from the moment I saw them! It was memorable way of meeting with you, but this is how I knew our friendship was special. I will always regret that we didn’t spend more time together, but I will have you always in my heart!

I miss my one and only Michal! He has very special place in my heart. I met him like on a joke, but after that I had more than amazing time with him. He was my friend, my soul mate, my co-traveler, my date. Having him around me changed me, made me feel the way I needed back then. He came in my life, just when I needed honesty like his. Around you, Michal, I was feeling myself and I didn't feel the need to hide what I was thinking... Having you around me was an adventure and you helped me meen a side of me I didn't know I had before.

I miss the people that came just for a couple of weeks and changed my life from the moment I met them – Nick, Lucas and Oliver! These positive, handsome, funny and sexy guys made not only my birthday celebration amazing, but the two weeks around it, too. In our life we meet a lot of people, with some of them we even become friends, but for friendship you need time... With them I didn’t need time, we just became friends almost from the moment we saw each other... I miss their smiles and I miss their energy, especially Lucas’ energy on the dance floor! I hope he’ll keep his ‘I am so nervous’ line, and I hope Oliver will continue smiling like that and seeing all the beauty in everything and finding it ‘amazing’! I hope Nick will continue to be such a weirdo, but in his own way, because it makes him who he is, and to smile more, of course. And Mr. Munir, I don’t miss you, because you are coming soon, and I have been telling all my friends about you for the last 2 weeks...

I miss my girls: Mariu, Marta, Maria, Diana, Elin, Anastasia, Kasia. I miss the times that we had our Ladies' nights or just Ladies' times for a walk or just shopping around Galeria Balticka and Manhatan. Having you around me and sharing all the girls' talks, being mad at the guys and making them be the 'black sheeps' was great time. Thank you, girls, for being there for me. I love you!

I miss all the people there – the ones that used to make me smile, the ones that I said only ‘Hello’ to, the ones that danced with me, the ones that shared with me all the greatest moments from that amazing Erasmus life! I miss Luis, Ales, Guille, Francisco, Sergio, Javier, Jaime, Marco, Paulo, Can, Inigo, Jana, Pol, Gabi, John, Sara, Demet, Reri, Alexandros, Kristian, Tomek, David... and so many more people! I miss you all and thank you for being in my life!

Since I’ve come back here, every  time I hear ‘Follow rivers’ or ‘Danza kuduro’, or 'One day, baby, we'll be old...' or any other song that we used to listen there, I just close my eyes and I ‘see’ in front of me like I am there Parlament, Ego, Versalka, Czecolada... I turn around with closed eyes and I can ‘see’ all of you, my friends, dancing around me...